Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

I am obsessed with hair--mostly my own. Clearly, it's not one of my best attributes.

Right now I am working on a three-month-old dye job. I look like a skunk. A skunk who let a rat gnaw on the white part of her pelt. And even though I thought I'd finally come to terms with my curliness, it was fleeting. It seems my arsenal of products have lost their efficacy. (Maybe rat saliva renders all my potions powerless?) As you might imagine, already I was feeling fugly.

But then I went to meet my rock star goddess friend at Starbucks. When I arrived, a woman with very horrendous hair (that was suspiciously similar to mine) was telling said rock star friend how much she loved rock star friend's truly great curls. The woman kept switching her gaze from my head (repulsed) to Heather's (adoration), saying, "See? Yours is like mine. It's flat on top, and curly underneath..."

And I'm thinking, "Mine looks like yours? Shit!!!! I've got to go back and beg the little guy at Studio Sho to straighten my hair again! Even though he said it would milk (melt) right off my head, I have enough hair that no one would notice, right?"

But then the lady had to go and add, "Mine's really thin on the top, so I can't get any more straightening." While she's saying this, she's looking at the top of MY head like she can see scalp. I suddenly wished for a baseball cap.

So now I look like a skunk.

A skunk who let a rat gnaw on parts of her head.

A skunk with rat-gnawed, flat-on-top, curly-underneath hair.

A skunk with rat-gnawed, flat-on-top, curly-underneath hair, and female-pattern baldness.

It doesn't help that the other day I was looking through US Magazine, not paying much attention, and I ripped out a photo of a model who had great hair color. It seemed more natural than my skunk 'do, with much darker highlights and a lot of brown showing through. Taking a closer look, I noted in horror the "model" in the picture was actually Britney Spears. And I hardly think I should be taking cues from her. I mean, she's got even bigger problems to attend to than a bald, rat-gnawed skunk 'do...like, what to do with her off-kilter body parts.

But enough about me. Please someone tell me when John Frusciante cut his hair. And why????? I know it shouldn't bother me. He's a grown man. He should be allowed to cut his Jesus 'do (which I loved, and thought made him look hot in a druggie, dirty sort of way. And I mean that as the highest compliment).

Comments

[Erica Orloff]

Come on. Trish. It can't be that bad. You're GORGEOUS!
E

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