Went to see the Bret Michaels show last night, just for chucks. I wasn't really a hair metal fan back in the 80s, but I do think Bret is likeable and charming and boyishly hot (if a 46 year-old-man can be called boyishly hot). And you know, I like watching hot do its thing on stage.
Anyway, here are the top five things I learned last night:
5. Always check to make sure the random stranger took a good picture on your phone before walking away from the semi-famous person you wanted to be photographed with in the first place. Otherwise, you will end up with something like this:
BTW, that's Big John with me and my friend Jackie. There were also supposed to be other friends in the shot but random stranger was truly not a good photographer. Obviously.
4. Very young girls really DO want to get close to Bret, despite the fact that he is three years older than I am. And they will push, shove, bite and verbally abuse anyone getting in their way. Especially me.
3. After the show these same young girls will vomit sloppily and loudly in the Ladies Room. And then the bathroom attendant will yell, "You better have your head in the toilet, girl, if you're puking in there!" And I will be completely grossed out. Because, well, I am way too old to be places where people puke in public.
2. I am also too old to get into verbal/potentially physical fights at all-ages concerts. Yet I continue to attend them, and continue to just barely escape fists of fury (and possibly prison) each time.
1. Inna and Amber are both hot, yet possibly fully composed of plastic parts leftover from the life-size Barbie factory. It seemed as if Inna liked Amber better than Bret, because Inna kept groping Amber's skimpily clad ass throughout the show. Bret, on the other hand, seemed to greet Amber with more enthusiasm than Inna. Most likely outcome: Threesome.
Me, my iPhone and Chi-town will never be the same.
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